No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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