he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
