I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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