she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
