Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i think i just lost a toe
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
