swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
