I'm passing your future prison.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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