Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
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I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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