Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
