If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
