..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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