just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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