check it out our google latitudes are spooning
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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