Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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