Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
