So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You need Xanax blowdarts
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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