i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
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