Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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