Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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