I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
