yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
