I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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