she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
