....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
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He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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