Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Found the puke drawer
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Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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