She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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