I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
