I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
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Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
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And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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