2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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