wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
