my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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