saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
