the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
