I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
