My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
