I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
