So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I bet he comes in French.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
