So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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