I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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