I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
