First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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