I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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