I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
