also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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