She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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