i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
