yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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