mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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