Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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