I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
