why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
