That's when you crack a 10am beer
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
