I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
