You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
