I heard we made out
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
