Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
