oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
