I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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