He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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