I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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