guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
