There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
