ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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