I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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