That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
