sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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