people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
