Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
