you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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