Michael Bay diarrhea
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
